What is the difference between love and unhealthy attachment? Signs you should know

Types of morbid attachment can turn love into a pathological relationship harmful to both the attached and the object of attachment, such as erotomania. It is self-evident that the esteemed reader will wonder about the dividing lines between what is normal and what is abnormal in emotional attachment relationships. That is, what is the difference between love and morbid attachment? This is what we will try to clarify in this topic.

Worlds Apart

The Mental Health America organization describes emotional attachment as a pathological condition that affects a person's ability to enjoy a healthy relationship that is satisfying for both parties. This is because it is a type of behavioral addiction, characterized by an exaggerated interest in the other party and constant thinking about them to the point of obsession. It can be acquired by people who have experienced a difficult childhood or have experienced previous psychological and emotional traumas. They suffer from low self-esteem and a lack of inner peace. So they look for someone to fill those shortcomings within them and give them a boost of morale. This is by always confirming to them how wonderful and accomplished they are, while love is a noble, balanced feeling that makes its owner emotionally inclined towards the beloved without being attached to them, restricting them, besieging them, or depending on them emotionally. To differentiate between them, there are several signs that indicate whether you are in a state of true love or morbid attachment:

Selfishness is one of the most prominent signs of morbid attachment, because when you are in an attachment relationship with a specific person, you will always feel that they are your private property in everything, even in regards to their feelings, which you want to be identical to your feelings. That is, if you are depressed, you want them to be depressed like you. And you think that they are forbidden to be happy while you are sad. They must be in the same psychological state that you are in.

In love, you focus on how to make the other person happy. But without suffocating them with a flood of your emotions and attention. While in the case of emotional attachment, you focus on the way the other person is supposed to treat you, to become happy, without caring about their happiness because you basically depend on their presence in your life to raise your self-esteem, and you derive your joy from them, and it may become the only justification for savoring the pleasure of life.

Love is translated into caring for the other and preferring them over oneself. But without striving or making strenuous efforts to possess them for fear of losing them. Contrary to what happens in the case of emotional attachment, where the attached person lives in a state of constant anxiety and tension for fear that the object of attachment will abandon them or lose them, which prompts them to suffocate them with a flood of attention, besiege them, hold them accountable, chase them, or stalk them. In other words, morbid attachment is a state interspersed with a constant fear of separation. This is accompanied by a set of obsessions such as: Why are they late in responding? What are they busy with? Can they abandon me? Which puts you in a relationship that drains you all the time more than it gives you, due to your lack of reassurance, unlike true love, which is dominated by a feeling of security and stability.

Love is liberation and release of the beloved's freedom, which allows them to be natural and spontaneous. While attachment is a restriction on them and a desire to control them, seek to possess them, be unique with them, and try to isolate them from family and friends and take possession of them to control them, without caring about their happiness and satisfaction. The desire to control in order to impose change is a clear indicator in psychology of a pathological attachment relationship.

Love is a healthy state that allows both parties in the relationship to grow and develop mutually, where each party will seek to be a better version of themselves with the partner who will support them. Unlike morbid attachment, which hinders the growth of the relationship or the progress of its parties, because they are stuck in the amount of problems resulting from the ongoing conflict between one party that is tightening the noose on another party that is trying to break free from its grip.

Fill Your Shortcomings

Relationships built on morbid attachment are distorted and toxic relationships. And their end is often harmful to both parties. Therefore, try to fill the void inside you, even if it requires seeking the help of a psychologist, to learn to live with yourself and reconcile with it, to form a happy love relationship with your partner.

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